Quiet your mind · 3 min

How to stop ruminating

To stop ruminating, stop trying to solve the thought and change how you respond to it. Name the feeling in a few words ('I feel ashamed'), give the loop a title ('the party replay'), then move your attention to something your hands or senses can do. When the urge to replay comes back, watch it pass instead of following it.

Tap a thought to name it

How to do it

1
Name the feeling
Say one or two words for the feeling, not the story: 'I feel embarrassed.' 'I feel rejected.' Out loud if you can.
2
Title the loop
Give the replay a name: 'the party replay', 'the email loop'. Next time it starts, say the title and nothing more.
3
Run the 10 minute test
Has this thought given you a new fact or a decision in the last 10 minutes? If not, it's rumination, not reflection. Stop feeding it.
4
Surf the urge
When the pull to replay comes back, breathe slowly and watch it rise and fall for 60 seconds. Notice it. Don't obey it.
5
Change gear
Do something that needs your body or full attention: a brisk walk, clearing a drawer, a puzzle. Ten minutes is enough to break the groove.

What is rumination?

Rumination is replaying the same negative thoughts without getting closer to a solution. Cleveland Clinic calls it a brain stuck on repeat.

It matters because it isn't harmless thinking. A major review by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema and colleagues found that rumination makes negative thinking worse, gets in the way of problem solving and wears down the support people offer you. It's linked with depression, and also with anxiety, binge eating, binge drinking and self-harm.

Does name it to tame it actually work?

There's good lab evidence behind it. In a 2007 brain imaging study, Matthew Lieberman's team showed people upsetting images. When they put a word to the feeling, activity in the amygdala (a brain area involved in emotional reactions) dropped, and activity rose in a part of the prefrontal cortex.

It's one study with pictures, not a cure. But it explains why 'I feel humiliated' calms you more than asking yourself why you're like this for the fortieth time.

“Why did I say that? What is wrong with me?”

“I feel embarrassed. That's the party replay.”

What is urge surfing?

Urge surfing means riding out an urge like a wave instead of fighting it or giving in. In a study by Sarah Bowen and Alan Marlatt, 123 student smokers got brief urge surfing instructions or none. The urges didn't get weaker, but the urge surfing group smoked significantly fewer cigarettes over the next 7 days.

The same idea works for ruminating thoughts. The pull to replay may not shrink. You just stop acting on it.

How do I stop ruminating about something I said?

Say you made a joke at dinner and someone went quiet. You've replayed it 30 times since.

Ask: is there a real repair to make? If yes, make it once, in one line, then stop. If no, the replay is just punishment. Cleveland Clinic suggests writing the thought down and putting the paper away, or giving it a set slot like 10 minutes at 6pm.

“Hey, my joke last night came out wrong. I didn't mean it as a dig.”

Questions people ask

What is the difference between rumination and overthinking?

Overthinking is the broad term for thinking too much about something. Rumination is the stuck version: the same negative thoughts on repeat, usually about something that already happened, with no new information and no decision at the end.

Is rumination a symptom of anxiety?

It can be. Research links rumination with anxiety as well as depression, and Cleveland Clinic notes it can make generalised anxiety disorder, depression and OCD worse. If it's taking hours of your day, speak to your GP.

What triggers rumination?

Often something you can't undo or control: a mistake, a rejection, an awkward conversation, an unanswered message. Tiredness and being alone with your thoughts, especially late at night, make the loop easier to fall into.

What is name it to tame it?

Putting a simple word to what you feel, like 'anxious' or 'ashamed'. Lieberman's 2007 study found labelling a feeling reduced amygdala activity in response to upsetting images. It works best short and specific.